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As a child I spent hours by myself playing on my grandfathers Casio synthesizer. I found it fascinating how different tones played in different patterns created different feelings.

 

After seeing someone play a saxophone I kept asking my mother if I could have one. Being the wonderful problem solver that she was, she picked up a tiny plastic dollar store sax, which was basically a fancy recorder, and told me if I mastered it, she would get me the real thing. It was months until I realized that she just couldn't afford it, so I hung up the toy sax and moved on with my life.

 

When I got older I was excited to join band class in Jr. High, I was a bit late in choosing my elective classes tho, and there wasn't enough room for me to join. Since I missed the first year of band class, I wasn’t able to join for the rest of secondary school. This made me believe fate had prevented me from ever learning music and it just wasn’t meant for me. I held this belief my whole life, all while being deeply connected to and building a life around music.

 

It wasn't until my grandfather passed away and left me his Casio synthesizer, that I was reminded of the pure curiosity and fascination that has been driving me this whole time. I started to see how I had spent the majority of my life's energy on things related to music.

 

For many years I worked for an airline company, I flew around the world collecting records and checking out hip hop and drum and bass events. I organized and performed at small and large events locally and across Western Canada for over 20 years. 

I produced and released songs and mixes, co–founded a large scale speaker company (Pk Sound), formed a stage design company (Space Invaderz), had multiple music studios, all the while staying true to my belief that I wasn't a musician.

Looking back at my life and seeing how I had created these restrictions for myself, I decided to challenge my beliefs, and I slowly started to break down the barriers I had created. My experiments with music began to flow more easily and I began to see all the unreleased music and mixes I had previously created as good, instead of not good enough.

 

This little perspective shift changed everything for me, I was able to see the world, myself, and music, completely differently. I now look at my lack of traditional training as what has kept my childlike wonder alive.

Now when I sit down to produce music, I appreciate my self made resistance, and allow my curious child like wonder to have fun, and give it the gustoe💦

Gustoe

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Fat Pat

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